Fathers more involved in their children's lives and their education

PARENTING
Focused fathers

Dads make time to step out of the office and into kids' lives
By Aliana Ramos - aramos@thesunnews.com

No longer is the image of father someone whose primary job is to earn the bacon.
Now fathers are also uncles, brothers, grandfathers, stay-at-home dads, single dads or busy married men who change diapers, tend to children and pick them up after school.

"Thirty percent would rather have more time with family than promotion. They are sensing time is not endless. And, I think in some cases, their lack of relationship with their father is coming to play," said parenting expert Jim Rogers of Still Learning, Inc., a Surfside Beach-based national program with workshops, seminars and private conferences on a number of topics including parent and family life/management skills.

"We see more stay-at-home dads, and they're proud of it. It used to be the males take pride in saying 'I have a new job,' 'I have a new car.' Their sense of self was based on their accomplishments. Now, I'm hearing men bragging to others about their kids," he said.

Socastee resident and divorced father of three Brian Bailey, 43, can relate.
Bailey used to be a pastry chef for a major hotel chain. He worked late hours during the week, holidays and weekends.

"I think it's a large reason why my family now is not together. It's hard to be there for your family when, well, you're never really there," he said.

Now, he works for a landscaping company trimming and cutting trees.

"I have better hours. I have my weekends free to spend time with my kids," said Bailey, who sees his two youngest children every weekend. His oldest daughter, 21, lives in Charleston, W.Va.

"I think if you love someone, that's what you do. When you have kids, they are part of your lives forever,"said Bailey about making sure he has a relationship with his children.

Busy working dad Gary Blake, 40, of Myrtle Beach spends about 70 hours a week running his contracting business.

"It's hard to spend a lot of time with your kids when you work a lot of hours. It's tough not being there a lot. But I work hard to give them the other things they need," said Blake, who has a son and a daughter.

But owning his own business gives Blake the flexibility to take a few hours off to coach his son's all-star baseball team. During training, the team does two sessions a day, one in the morning and one at night. He also helps his daughter, who plays volleyball, train.

"The hardest thing is trying to make sure they can be all that they can be."

Myrtle Beach resident Ryan Keefe, 24, also understands the importance of spending time with his son, Caden Keefe, 2.

Toting two fishing poles, Keefe talks about fatherhood as Caden runs circles around him.
"As soon as I get off work, I pick him up at day care and we spend time together. We do outdoor activities like go to the beach or play sports. I read to him every night," said Keefe.

"I wouldn't say it's easy. But there are no negatives with him. It's just the love that he gives back and watching him grow up, which is too fast," Keefe said.

Dionne Rice, 40, of the Choppee section of Georgetown County describes himself as a "housemale."

He is a single, stay-at-home dad whose days are filled with cooking, doing laundry, running to doctor's appointments and checking homework for his four sons ranging in age from 5 to 15. He and his ex-wife are also working on a custody agreement for weekend privileges and visits to see his 3-year-old daughter.

His 11-year-old son Brandon has type-1 diabetes, and Rice travels to Florence or Charleston about once a month to take him to the doctor.

Rice checks in daily with the school nurse to make sure his son's insulin levels are healthy and buys sugar-free foods for the whole family. He also has a 13-year-old son with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

He is able to manage it all with the help of the Father-to-Father project in Georgetown County. He gets counseling services for his sons and for himself. The agency has also assisted him with developing a monthly budget. He buys in bulk and pays important bills first, while putting all extra money aside in a savings account.

"It's hard, but all you need is structure," Rice said.

Mass media, personal experience, education and advances in parenting education have helped to shift the male perspective on fatherhood, Rogers said. Fathers are starting to understand the vital role they play in their children's lives.

Ed Martin, 71, a former steelworker, once worked about 60 hours a week while helping his wife raise five children.

His wife was responsible for cooking, laundry, feeding the kids and helping with homework, while Martin focused on attending all the children's sporting events.

"Things are definitely turning around again. About 10 years ago fathers did less. From what I see now, they are doing more and paying more attention," Martin said.

"My father was too busy to come to my games, and I made up my mind that no matter what, I would be there for my kids and grandchildren. And so far, I have," said Martin.

Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological or adoptive parents, according to the National Fatherhood Initiative.

But it's not just an attitude change that's happening, sometimes it's also who is taking care of children that's changing.

Parents now have to juggle their time even more. Whether they are single parents or two busy working parents, it is impossible for them to be all things to their children and external help is welcomed by all. Magnum IQ offers parents the help they need to ensure that their children have sufficient help at home with their school work. Interactive onine sessions and use of a interactive whiteboard for Homework Help takes the pressure of busy parents who are struggling to manage to cope with the numerous calls on their time.

Magnum IQ is a cost effective way to provide the extra 1-1 tuition each child needs and can be tailored to their specific areas of interest or difficulty.

For parents who want to be more hands on with homework help, but who maybe don't have the knowledge or expertise to help their children, they can be involved in the sessions with Magnum IQ and become a real help and support to their children